In February of 2004 I was rushed to the emergency room with the most horrific pain I had ever felt in my legs. The pain was so bad I was screaming and in tears. I begged God to take my life, just to stop the pain. Over the next couple of weeks I underwent spinal taps, nerve conductivity tests, IVIG etc. It was finally determined that I had a disease called Demyelinating Polyneuropathy & severe Type II Diabetes. The pain was caused by the sensory nerves in my legs and feet dying. Eventually I would lose all feeling in them and face a future that might include amputation.

I was put on powerful narcotic pain killers to control the pain but as time went on and my body became acclimated to the drugs, I had to take higher doses and ever more powerful drugs. Ultimately I was taking large doses of morphine 3 times a day. In a drug induced fog, unable to think clearly, and really not caring, I watched as the business I had worked so hard to build began to crumble around me.

Within 3 years it was gone, everything was gone. My medical bills were enormous. By August of 2007 I was destitute and had no income, assets, investments or savings left. With mounting unpaid bills, I received an eviction notice in December of 2007. That was when I fell down the front steps of my house and became immobilized for several months.

In February of 2008, two weeks before I was to be evicted from my home, my closest friends and my sister gathered at my house in Atlanta. They packed what little of my belongings they could and moved me to Charleston SC to live with my sister. My weight had plunged by 40 pounds in only 2 months. By this time I was so frail and so weak, I couldn’t even walk. I was emaciated.

My first visit with a new doctor in Charleston was while in a wheel chair. I was immediately taken off the narcotics, going through terrible withdrawals in the process. After a couple of months though, I was able to stand again and eventually to walk again, at least for short distances and I started putting back on a little of the weight I had lost.

After 5 years though, the doctors are still trying to get my diabetes under control. I have been on insulin for over a year now and still struggle with my blood sugar and the pain that ensues when it is high, despite a diet low in carbs and no sugar.

The loss of sensation in my feet resulted in a small blister on my foot going undetected. The blister became infected and caused massive blood poisoning in my leg. I was put in the hospital for 3 days in October 2008 where I received constant IVs of antibiotics. The bill was over $9000 and I had no way of paying it. Additionally, the wound failed to heal and I struggled for over a year with it until it finally healed. I also have foot drop and cannot pay for the orthopedic shoes I need to alleviate the problem.

I now have almost no feeling below the waist, except for the constant pain. The nerve disease has now spread to my arms and hands, producing significant pain there. The disease is now affecting my motor nerves too. My fingers are starting to curl inwards because of the loss of muscle control and I have no strength in my hands, struggling sometimes to even turn a doorknob.

In June of 2009, my sister faced eviction herself and I had no place to go if she was evicted. I would be homeless, on the street. Fortunately a friend offered me a spare room in his home. He and his wife have been supporting me entirely, paying for my food, medications etc.

This cannot go on forever though. He is disabled himself and is on disability. His wife doesn’t earn much in her job. The additional cost of food, the increased electricity cost, the cost of my medications, and the cost of the supplies to monitor my diabetes and give myself injections is a huge drain on their own finances.

I suffer from many permanent side effects of the drugs and the disease. I am bedeviled with chronic pain, memory loss, inability to concentrate, dizziness, balance problems, chronic somnolence, chronic fatigue, chronic weakness and insomnia. I also suffer from high blood pressure, high cholesterol and clinical depression.

In late October 2009 I was once again rushed to the Emergency Room. I had suddenly lost all control over my left arm and an incredible pain was shooting from my neck, across my shoulder, over the shoulder blade and down my arm. Additionally I had this crushing pain across the upper part of my chest. Fearful I was having a heart attack, the ER performed an EKG and took x-rays.  It turns out I had a Cervical Radiculopathy, or a bulging disk, that was pressing against the main nerve bundle in my neck for the left side of my torso.

In late November, while in the midst of a doctor’s appointment, I had another episode. This one struck so fast and with such force that I broke out in a cold sweat and almost fainted. The doctor, again concerned that I was having a heart attack, took an EKG but it looked normal. Assuming it was once again a problem with a bulging disk, he prescribed Lortab and muscle relaxers. It took more than a week before the pain had subsided enough that I was no longer afraid to move. For the time being, I remain on Lortab as the pain has never entirely gone away. If I continue to have major episodes, surgery may be required.

I take a myriad number of prescriptions, most of which I can only afford due to the generosity of my friends, the low prescription prices at Wal-Mart, and benevolence of Pfizer who provides me with my most expensive medication, Lyrica, for free. My doctor provides me with free insulin samples. Without their help, those two drugs alone would cost me over $900 a month.

What employer would be willing to pay for the enormous cost of my health benefits? Who would hire someone that constantly needs sleep and often falls asleep? Who would want an employee that cannot show up every day because of their illness? What kind of job can a man do who cannot sit for more than half an hour without incurring incredible pain in his legs? How can I work to support myself in this condition? I cannot, and so I turned to our government for help.

I applied for social security disability benefits in March of 2008. On the outside, I look fine, with no visible impairment other than needing a cane for balance and the inability to walk very far. On the inside my body is ravaged and racked with pain but because my disability is not visible on the outside, Social Security has been unable to find in my favor thus far.

Almost 2 years after I applied, I still await a hearing with an administrative law judge, which may be up to another year away. Should it really take 2 to 3 years before someone can get disability benefits? Should it really require complete devastation of people’s lives before help arrives, if it arrives at all? Must our bodies be deformed or crippled before people understand that we are disabled?

What am I to do if the law judge denies my case? There is no help out there for someone like me. There is nowhere else to turn. I am destitute, seriously ill and alone. What will happen to me? Why even go on? Is that what our government is hoping for, that I will take the easy way out, so that they wont have to pay disability benefits? It sure feels like it.

This is why I have created this blog. I want people to know my plight and the plight of those like me. I am seeking to give, to others like me, by offering my own experiences, my own solutions, my own struggles, my own triumphs and my own failures so that they may know what lies ahead for them or find solace in knowing they are not alone.